Here's a list of different things you can use to be able to control your anger.
This includes 5 minute rule, 4 A's you should focus on when it comes to your anger, the 4 C's of emotional and mental control, the 555 rule and the A-B-C-D model for handling your anger
What is the 5 Minute Rage Rule?
The 5 Minute Rage Rule allows you to take five minutes to be upset when something bad or frustrating happens to you. You can feel the feels, scream, cry, or whatever you need to do for five whole minutes. Once that time is over, then you allow yourself to move through the feelings and cling to the positives. You can begin to focus all of your energy and time on something else.
- This method is more realistic than forcing yourself to be happy all the time.
We all know that life happens and the unexpected can occur at any time. We’re thrown curveballs so often, and society teaches us to remain positive through it all. When we fall, we are taught to pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off, and pretend like it doesn’t hurt. This is insane. There’s entirely too much pressure on ourselves to maintain a positive attitude and have a positive mindset 24/7, and it’s unrealistic.
- You learn more about yourself when you allow yourself to feel freely.
Letting yourself feel without limits allows you to notice habits and patterns that you may not have noticed otherwise.
- You can get all of the negatives out in the open to make room for the positives.
where something pisses you off, get all of your negatives out for five minutes. Allow yourself the complete freedom to complain, rage, or do whatever you need to do. Afterward, see if you can find the light within the situation. What did you learn from it? What could’ve made that situation worse than what it was?
What's the four A's you should focus on when it comes to anger
The four As
I have devised “four As” as a practical framework to manage a situation in which anger is being openly expressed.
They are:
1. Agree/admit to the facts of the situation.
2. Acknowledge the impact of the situation on the angry person.
3. Apologize to him or her and express regret that the situation occurred.
4. Act to correct the situation and minimize the consequences.
1. Agree with the facts in the situation — When people are angry, first let them “vent” without interruption. Just feeling that they have been heard can often help to decompress the situation. You do not have to agree with everything they are saying, especially if they are being accusatory or judgemental. Try to listen carefully, and try to find some facts with which you can agree. This also allows you to retain a degree of detachment and objectivity in a difficult conversation. Maintain eye contact, and take time to absorb what they are saying and understand why they may be angry.
2. Acknowledge other people’s right to be angry, and the impact of the situation on them. Putting this into words helps them feel that that you have actually listened to them and appreciate how this affects them. This expression of empathy and compassion is critical in a positive working relationship.
3. Apologize for the situation — Too often, we feel that to apologize is to accept responsibility and be accountable and, so, we hesitate to say we are sorry. In fact, we know that apology is perceived by patients and families affected by adverse events as essential and that an apology has a significant impact on minimizing risk of litigation.8 Aside from the litigation issue, the apology is a powerful tool. It helps to heal, improve communication, and improve relationships. It is the right and compassionate thing to do.9 Even if we are not referring to a specific event or have a role in the situation, we can still apologize and express regret that the situation occurred.
4. Act to correct the situation and minimize the consequences. Let people know what you plan to do next to help them. Define the next step, and let them know what it is and when you will be doing it. Conducting a root-cause analysis is a longer process that can help you isolate the factors that led to the problem and prevent it in the future. Inform the other person that you will do this, and follow up. A future clash can be much more challenging if someone believes that you promised follow up but did not deliver.
The four C's of emotional and mental control
There are many components to state of mind,
here are the ‘Big Four’
concentration, confidence, control, and commitment.
These are generally considered the main mental qualities that are important for successful practice and operation.
This can be applied to dealing with your anger
1. Concentration – ability to maintain focus
2. Confidence – belief in one’s abilities
3. Control – ability to maintain emotional control regardless of distraction
4. Commitment – ability to continue working toward agreed goals
1. Concentration —This is the mental quality to focus on the task at hand. If the tactical athlete lacks concentration then their abilities will not be effectively or efficiently applied to the task, and this can have deadly effects.
2. Confidence — Confidence results from the comparison a tactical athlete makes between the goal and their ability. The individual will have self-confidence if they believe they can achieve their goal.
3.Control — Identifying when a tactical athlete feels a particular emotion and understanding the reason for the feelings is an important stage of helping the individual gain emotional control. A person’s ability to maintain control of their emotions in the face of adversity and remain positive is essential to successful performance. Two emotions that are often associated with poor performance are anxiety and anger.
Anxiety comes in two forms – physical (butterflies, sweating, nausea, and needing the toilet) and mental (worry, negative thoughts, confusion, and lack of concentration). Relaxation is a technique that can be used to reduce anxiety.
4. Commitment — Tactical performance depends on the individual being fully committed to numerous goals over many years. In competition with these goals, the individual will have many aspects of daily life to manage. The many competing interests and commitments include work, studies, family/partner, friends, social life, and other hobbies/sports.
Using The Rule of 555 when Making Decisions which can also be applied to your anger
The Rule of 555 is simple… It’s all about determining the value and implications of some action or decision.
This is The Rule of 555 in a nutshell
When you’re trying to make a decision think about how it will impact you in:
Five Days
Five Weeks
Five Years
There is no wrong answer. This is a thought exercise that allows you to explore options and ideas before making a commitment.
Future Implications
The Rule of 555 allows you to imagine a decision in the future. What will be the implications of this decision on your life? And on the lives of others that will be impacted? That’s the simplistic nature of The Rule of 555.
How to use The Rule of 555
It’s very easy. Take out a piece of paper and write down four columns.
Column One is the decision
Columns 2, 3 and 4 are the timeline.
For example;
Decision: Buy a new house.
Timeline: 5 weeks; 5 months; 5 years
Action: Write down your thoughts in each column.
A lot of decisions may cross your mind as you think about these five timelines for this decision.
The A-B-C-D model for dealing with anger management
is a classic cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) technique developed by one of CBT’s founders, Albert Ellis. When applied effectively, this can help address a variety of emotional difficulties, including anger management problems. This post explains how the model works and how to start using it.
Below is an overview of the A-B-C-D
cognitive-behavioral therapy model, using anger as the problem focus:
A = Activating Event
This refers to the initial situation or “trigger” to your anger.
B = Belief System
Your belief system refers to how you interpret the activating event (A). What do you tell yourself about what happened? What are your beliefs and expectations of how others should behave?
C = Consequences
This how you feel and what you do in response to your belief system; in other words, the emotional and behavioral consequences that result from A + B. When angry, it’s common to also feel other emotions, like fear, since anger is a secondary emotion. Other “consequences” may include subtle physical changes, like feeling warm, clenching your fists and taking more shallow breaths. More dramatic behavioral displays of anger include yelling, name-calling and physical violence.
D = Dispute
D refers to a very important step in the anger management process. You need to examine your beliefs and expectations. Are they unrealistic or irrational? If so, what may be an alternative and calmer way to relate to the situation? By “disputing” those knee-jerk beliefs about the situation, you can take a more rational and balanced approach, which can help you control your anger.
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